Guided Meditation: Fred Armisen

, , 38 Comments


♪♪ ♪♪ -Hi, there.
I’m Fred Armisen. I’m gonna guide you
through a meditation. I did study meditation
for a long time, so this is a method
that I really like and please follow along. So make sure you’re
in a hallway, near your office —
a home office or your office office — and get some envelopes. And set them out. Open the envelopes. Should be about four or five
of different sizes. And start addressing them. Start addressing them
to government agencies, to some of your friends. Start addressing them,
go ahead. Find the zip code,
look that up. Okay, seal the envelopes. There’s nothing in them,
don’t worry. Rip open the envelopes. And you know when they say,
“Breathe, breathe, breathe,” I’m asking you to
hold your breath for a second. Hold your breath. And then do this. Then, now you can breathe
a little bit. Now count to 400. Just in your head, quickly. You can gloss over
some of the numbers. Just count to 400. There we go. 57, great. 109, fantastic. 200, you’re almost there. And there you are. Now go to a mirror. Go away from the mirror. Go to a mirror. Go away from the mirror. Spin around. Now…sit. Look at me. Hi. Look away from me. Get those envelopes. Crinkle
them up into little balls. Yes, that’s right. Put them in some waffles —
some waffle batter. Make waffles with them. Don’t eat them. Pretend to serve them
to somebody and say,
“No, this has paper in them.” And you’re done. That’s your meditation. Thank you.

 

38 Responses

  1. juggalocpirate

    September 22, 2017 6:42 pm

    Address the envelopes to government agencies. Now write letters to them stating your openness and willingness to interact with extraterrestrial intelligence. Show them you are not afraid. Good. This will make it much easier to open lines of communication to the public of the alien interactions already occurring. Wonderful.

    Reply
  2. Fruits

    September 22, 2017 8:18 pm

    His eyes make me feel peaceful. It's like he has channeled the sweet, sweet smiles of all the kind old men to have ever lived into one glare. How dare he be so gentle

    Reply
  3. New Message

    September 22, 2017 8:54 pm

    In a hallway? But you're obviously in a dressing room ironically decorated like a kitschy South Western themed motel room.

    Reply
  4. ellena kanik

    September 22, 2017 11:32 pm

    bad instructions. got cat poop on waffles. no ones likes that.. except if you're two girls with a cup and a Brazilian. I'll see myself out.

    oh hey fred! I'm a big fan

    Reply
  5. Deol 1

    October 2, 2017 7:48 pm

    what is this supposed to be?I do meditation and its supposed to be connected with god
    this man is making fun of This serious thing 
    and I don't think real people would find this very funny
    this is the world we live in

    Reply
  6. Melissa Guzman

    December 24, 2017 8:46 am

    Fred's guided meditation makes me sleepy and my dream is to make love with him. 😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

    Reply
  7. Melissa Guzman

    January 14, 2018 7:57 am

    I love his guided meditation to keep me calm and he is taking a deep breath to me slowly and hugging. His eyes is so pretty and greeny.

    Reply

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