HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST 😮 RED FLAGS of NARCISSISM WATCH OUT FOR THESE PHRASES

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100 Responses

  1. STIZEN9

    September 30, 2016 4:51 pm

    LISA I LOVE YOU and YOUR STYLE OF SPEAKING the most on youtube. Your lessons are to the point and you don't waste time getting the point across. Your the best. I am learning so much and I am being equipped with weapons to stop ignorant narcissistic talk next time it tries to take advantage of me or anyone else. Also, "What you don't express gets suppressed." That is powerful.

    Is it possible for an alcoholic narcissist to be healed to think healthy again?

    How would you even suggest to a narcissist that they have such a condition? They might get super offended and really tell you how it is lol.

    Reply
  2. Abraham Anthony Shalaby

    October 1, 2017 5:25 am

    I get such a warm fuzzy feeling from listening to you Lisa. I’m so glad I found you on YouTube because after I’ve been abused all day, I know that I can turn on your channel and start to heal

    Reply
  3. Jaime Flor

    October 1, 2017 9:07 pm

    Cheers to be awoken! My mother's a covert-narc to and I just escaped a former love interest that was a covert-narc. Nothing gets resolved, communication sucks, and both of them are emotionally unavailable.

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  4. Monica Kampel

    October 4, 2017 2:44 am

    my ex husband would say I was trying to by people's love when I would give gifts. I could never understand….but now I do.

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  5. Rick Fernandes

    October 4, 2017 6:59 am

    Unfortunately, my mom has many of these traits. Growing up, I use to think how she treated me was normal, but as an adult I've come to realize that its neither normal nor emotionally healthy-especially since she continues to exemplify the same abusive traits. She goes out of her way to pick fights with me, she disagree's with everything I say, tells me how I feel is stupid, calls me every name in the book when I disagree with her views, refuses to let me speak or express myself without cutting in and expressing herself.  When she is upset, she will say the most vile and degrading comments out of sheer anger. Wether she means it or not, it still hurts and to make matters worse she will never own up to it Always justifying her abusive behavior. I believe my mom to have a combination of anger issues & narcissism. I find myself to be a constant victim of her abuse and struggle to find love for her. I'm afraid she is making me hate her to the point of no return.

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  6. rachel widd

    October 6, 2017 2:41 am

    She brought up such a good point about you being the therapist "boss." I used to go to a therapist that didn't help me very much, but I felt guilty about my therapy not working so I stayed with them instead of finding one that works for me. Don't feel bad!!! Please go get the therapist that works for you so you don't waste your time and you can get better ❤❤❤ Also I love how she says "Dear Ones" (:

    Reply
  7. Sylvia Kovessy

    October 6, 2017 3:09 am

    I truly wish I could talk to you in person. My whole life has been hell and still is. I know the signs but just can’t get rid of the magnet I have!by the time I notice it’s too late,and I just can’t undo the damage done to me. I’m grateful for this video and I will certainly look at your other videos also. Blessings.

    Reply
  8. movementislife

    October 11, 2017 8:56 pm

    Lisa, I can't tell you thank you enough! For the first time in my life, I finally get it! I finally understand why, whywhy, why… I understand my poor communication skills, my enhanced empathic skills, my hypervigilance, oversensitivity, detachment from my body, disconnection from others… I always thought there was sooooo much wrong with me! I knew my mom was a narcissist but I didn't realize how this affected me I didn't realize that my mom brainwashed me. Now I can listen to her and I know what she's doing from my bodily reactions and now I don't react because I have nothing to prove anymore!!!!!!!! My mom looks confused when I don't react … Yeah, I know what she's been doing now. She gave birth to me in the same way people get an extra car from the junkyard for extra parts!!! No, you cannot have any of my extra parts anymore!!!! Thank you Lisa! I feel more free than I ever have I don't have any confusion anymore! I can see all these years my higher self has always been trying to lead me in the right direction and that's why I always have so much confusion due to my brainwashing!!!! Wow! I feel like the prison gates have been opened. It's gonna take a little bit to get used to this 🙂 thanks!

    Reply
  9. Manuela Bean

    October 14, 2017 3:18 pm

    Why do I get the feeling that psychologists and counselors have a tendency to blame Mothers for what the individual becomes as an adult? I think it is wrong! I feel that each one of us has a path in life that God has created. God wants you to learn something about yourself in the process of growing and developing as a human being. I like to stop the blaming and become accountable for my own choices, actions and the outcome of those choices and actions. I do not think anyone's Mom is perfect, but we as children are not either. When we blame, we take responsibility out of our hands and what we need is to be more understanding of our parents and how life has treated them. They have a lot wisdom that we have ignored because we are the "know it all."

    Reply
  10. Michelle Smith

    October 19, 2017 12:12 pm

    Thank you…from my heart…you speak how I felt how I was bought up. Even then to find a man who was just like my mother. Didn't know at the time but 2 years into therapy yes I was looking for the approval. Thank you for making me feel its not my fault xxxx

    Reply
  11. Natalie Mcfadden

    October 23, 2017 4:33 am

    My Mother wanted to be a country western singer..why did she have children? she always told us " i'm going to leave you if you are not good

    Reply
  12. Judy Osborne

    October 30, 2017 4:35 pm

    Hello Lisa,new sub here. Wow, those are words that have I hated to hear since I was a very small child. I remember like it were yesterday my dad staring at me (could feel him) then saying something along the lines "I know what you're up to" , or "you don't fool me any" , and I swear I'd just be sitting there playing , or maybe sitting on my mother's lap watching TV. He would do the gift thing too. I loved wrapping little items I had and giving them to family members as gifts, he would say "that stuff doesn't work on me" , "you may be able to fool the rest of them" , I would just hang my head and walk away wondering if I were the evil thing he always accused me of being. I am the baby of 5 and later found out my older sister by 6 years had a hand in my father's perception of me (her own words). However, I now believe in our family of seven there are two narcissists. Father, and sister (4th born). Both were (father passed) sadistic and liars. I have finally cut myself off from my sister for the last several years.

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  13. Earl Guyton

    November 2, 2017 1:55 am

    I understand one type narcissist you are referencing.   My dad would always no matter how I felt always say things like, You are acting this way because of of of (it would never be correct at all)  You only said that to me because you think this or that.  But even though my Dad was around me for 52 years of his life when he passed away in 2005 HE NEVER KNEW ME, because he would only tell me what I thought or believed or why any action of mine was done and he was always totally wrong.  When I loved out on my mother and stepdads farm from when I was age 13 up until I was age 18 and then returned to Houston Tx where my dad lived for work, My dad never allowed me to tell him how I operated two tractors on a 3 acre field nor about how I milked numerous cows  and learned to work on cars and implement equipment.  When I tried to share these developed abilities experiences to him he would babble yea yea yea yea uh huh uh huh and totally dismeed anything I said but would only treat me and tell me anything as if I was still as that 13 year old boy.  So a narc will dismiss any of your achievements and education as though it doesn't even exist and treat you and talk to you as they want to label you

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  14. Velvet Simmons

    November 2, 2017 11:38 pm

    WHEN PEOPLE FUCK WITH YOUR HEAD, IT REMINDS ME OF HOW THIS COUNTRY IS RUN. AND, HOW THIS MIND SCREWING, IS CONTINUING ITS COURSE. IS IT ANY WONDER THE PEOPLE ARE SICK. THE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, IS RUNNING RAMPANT. SO….

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  15. White Shield

    November 5, 2017 6:54 pm

    I love how you say "my dear ones". Hugs to you, girl, I've been and still am in a situation with a narc. I don't want to say too much about it, only that I feel like I'm constantly counting myself away to keep my inner peace… Agree, suck up, or shut up. Keep all commmunications very limited. Say things like "Well, I'm sorry you're feeling that way." When I'm told I'm stupid I simply say "Yes, I am!" and then smile in a goofy way. I feel like with a narcissist I can't be my true self. I give in constantly to keep the peace. I don't like being yelled at like this person is blowing the hair off of my skull… I don't like to be provoked. So I give in. Every. Single. Time. And I'm fed up with it. Especially because it's my handicapped mother whom I can't just get away from…

    Reply
  16. LaDurzita

    November 6, 2017 6:10 am

    You are so cute and funny, what you’re saying is so true. Thank you for helping and enlightening others ❤️

    Reply
  17. Jo Martinez

    November 7, 2017 2:03 am

    Mine hates the word "what". He doesn't like to repeat himself. I should have heard him the first time.

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  18. Jeff Fresh

    November 7, 2017 8:05 pm

    Lisa, I am so pleased I came across your podcast. I was abused verbally by my mom, physically by my stepdad and sexually by my father. Needless to say at 56 yrs old. I I I spent four long term narcissistic relationships with guys and I really prefer women. My life continued to be active and I always had the support of dedicated friends. Many shrinks have NOT snapped me out of the agorphobia that surfaced 8 years ago which seems to have appeared from living a life time of false programming. I wish you took Medicare. LOL. Many kudos to you for what you have diligently discovered within. Namaste, Jeff

    Reply
  19. Default User

    November 10, 2017 2:04 am

    That was my childhood, alcoholism and violence…. mom died when I was 12, dad died when I was 17… I'm just fucked up inside

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  20. Heavy Joe Chipman

    November 12, 2017 1:29 am

    Your information brings forth my captive tears. Thank you for documenting this. Very validating to me. You really know your stuff Lisa! Blessings from Texas!

    Reply
  21. Graham Coombes

    November 12, 2017 11:15 pm

    Lisa The amazing Gift to us that You truly are to us Thankyou for ALL your very valuable output I'm sure I speak for many "Thankyou "and countless Blessings to You in all that You do

    Reply
  22. alaysia kaye butler

    November 16, 2017 12:30 pm

    Roles can be flipped: adult kids(dependent living in your home) act that negatively, while the kind parent continues to attempt to demonstrate co-operative validating interactions.. Scapegoated and responsible for the safety of toddler grandson.. All those tactics: mess making, shunning, gossiping, disregarding living standards, ignoring, criticizing, talking down to..selfishness, projection, shaming!! Grammy setting a boundary can lead to an assault. Idk, but its difficult to find support, that is safe,for this dynamic.

    Reply
  23. Cesi Gallardo

    November 18, 2017 8:30 pm

    Why are narcissist so nosey? If life is all about them and their needs, why does anything I do matter to her ?

    Reply
  24. Jane

    November 22, 2017 5:53 pm

    Gosh, you have been talking about the very things that happened to me. I thought (at the time) it was the normal way parents related to children

    Reply
  25. Tara verte 78

    November 24, 2017 1:22 pm

    Exactly the story of my life!!! My eyes opened super wide when I was 33. I was just diagnosed with a severe case of ankylosing spondylitis. I happened to read the book Your Erroneous Zones, than three books from Isabelle Nazarre-Avra (a French psychologist) on narcissists. It was like a slap on the face. I had no rights to experienced situations, just like you. Now, I’m stuck in a marriage with a narcissist man… And my parents are like : “Leave that asshole right away!”, then they would go : “Ho, he can be so nice…”. They are loaded with moneay but they don’t want to financially help me out… Horrible! Thank God! My narc husband IS NOT the father of my two kids!

    Reply
  26. Stephanie Campillo

    November 28, 2017 5:38 pm

    Thank you SO much for this. I recognize myself in some of these quotes. I assume the worst about people of what they think of me. This is SO helpful. God bless you!

    Reply
  27. Sarah Bethenny

    November 29, 2017 6:33 am

    Oh my god, you remind me so much of myself. Does that sound totally narcissistic? LOL. Sorry. I just love your "no BS" approach and how black and white you are. It's refreshing. I can tell you are a great mother based on the fact that you call your adult kids on their shit because you love them! That is awesome. As soon as you said, "now shut up and receive it", I paused the video to write this comment. People like you just get it. Great sense of self awareness. Keep it up!

    Reply
  28. Good Luck

    November 30, 2017 9:14 pm

    my fiancee wasn't wanted by his father. his father even tried to give him away. he has very or little emotion. never affectionate ever and he knows it! how do you get someone to be affectionate???

    Reply
  29. Tiffany Paracuelles

    December 1, 2017 9:26 pm

    Bingo! My husband is always telling me what I think and feel! Thank you for the validation…after a 12 year marriage of this type of interaction and many other behaviors that made my head spin, I now know that I am dealing with a narcissistic person.

    Reply
  30. Ray Dowdy

    December 1, 2017 10:05 pm

    My dad said I know what you are thinking,I said I know you are lying, if you knew what I was thinking you would be running in terror.

    Reply
  31. Summer Solstis

    December 2, 2017 2:34 am

    Its hard to believe that a Mother would actually say something like that to her daughter, but I believe it! My narc Mother would never actually come out and be that honest. However, her actions would say the same thing by putting them in the back of the closet, donating them or whatever.

    Reply
  32. R D

    December 4, 2017 5:06 am

    Lisa,
    Many years ago when I was 19 myself and my girlfriend bought my parents a simple anniversary gift. We realized that day it was their day. My father said to me “Don’t try to buy our love.” My girlfriend was shocked. I explained it away.
    Your first example brought it all back to me. Thanks!

    Reply
  33. JaeNiece Sutton

    December 5, 2017 3:13 pm

    Thank you Lisa 💖. Your teaching is helping me finally get it! I'm 62 and a social person.
    And just now understanding why some folks are jerks. Thank you for being open and fair.
    I try and catch myself when I also try and judge others. It's unfair and doesn't allow me to
    be open. Somebody wrote: try and go through a day not judging anybody or any thing. That's a challenge !

    Reply
  34. Brenda Stalls

    December 9, 2017 7:12 am

    After all these years, I know have a name to put to what I have been dealing with for 40+ years. I will continue to watch and listen to you.
    Thank you.. I always thought it was my fault. My fault was wanting to believe the lies he would tell me or others. He would have nothing but good things to say about me in front of others but at home the story was not the same. I was/am not good enough and do all things wrong.

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  35. rikiti

    December 9, 2017 9:19 pm

    I only just now realized I don't need to defend myself against something someone made up in their head. 
    And now I just feel ridiculous.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  36. Lee S Kennedy

    December 13, 2017 1:04 am

    I find that all alcoholics become co-dependant on someone who accepts their schizophrenic behaviours. It would be best to be with one who knows how to show love and light on a daily basis than to choose to continue with one who needs all 7 Chakras cleared and give up the booze for a milkshake or a smoothie!

    Reply
  37. Brutella deKill

    December 13, 2017 4:26 pm

    I swear to God we had the same mother!!!! 😉 Thank you for posting all of this. You have been helping me get through some dark times.

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  38. guloguloguy

    December 16, 2017 7:31 am

    Thank you SO MUCH!!! Lisa, for ALL of your Great videos, and Valuable, and Helpful Information! FYI: Here's a great song for you! https://youtu.be/KqmtgmM9lJQ
    (FYI: I'm so glad that you changed your hair style = Very Beautiful!)

    Reply
  39. Berkies Sepulveda

    December 16, 2017 10:54 pm

    I remember growing up when I would cry in pain, my parents would say I don’t cry Blood. I dealt with emotional, physical, mental and verbal abuse growing up. I finally dealt with sexual abuse by my step father I learned forgiveness for myself. I am also suffer from bipolar for about thirty one years.

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  40. Pinky Dash

    May 24, 2018 4:15 pm

    I know this is completely off point but you really suit your hair back off your face like that.

    Reply
  41. Delia Benson

    May 26, 2018 4:52 pm

    Thank you so much for your videos. I have been watching them for the last couple of days because I had a friend tell me they thought I was codependent. I'm also recently divorced from a man that I am learning is a covert or nice narcissist. I just didn't want to believe for the longest time that I allowed to let myself get sucked in and controlled and demoralized for 1years before I found the strength to leave. You have helped me to understand me better, and now I'm on this path to learn to love me and set boundaries.

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  42. Ted Buczek

    May 27, 2018 6:48 pm

    Lisa your video resonated with me. You are so lovely and loved. Hugs to you dear one!!!!!!!

    Reply
  43. One Amongall

    May 28, 2018 6:36 pm

    Obviously there is nothing wrong with the narcissist.The problem is the empathic who need to restore their boundaries and stay the hell away.I have no words to thank you enough for bringing so much self esteem to my life. I know now after 64 years of struggles that I am OK, nothing is wrong with me , that I do not have amnesia nor I am delusional…but I have a strong case of fatal attraction and I understand why my life has been so meaningless.You gave me tools to fend myself and it makes me feel good.

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  44. Witch Hazel

    May 28, 2018 11:22 pm

    “If you think you know what I’m thinking I’ll give you an 8×10 and you can talk to my picture.” Pure gold! 😂 laughter can be hard to come by in these situations.

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  45. michelle rose

    August 17, 2018 1:31 am

    Oh my god u r helping me to be a better mother!! My mother was a narcissist. I do not know how to be a healthy mother for my 12 and 2 year old when it comes to their feelings and how im supposed to speak to them to make them happy healthy Human beings. This video was sooo helpful!

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  46. Honesty Smith

    May 26, 2019 6:56 am

    Wow…I've heard this kind of language all my life. I even find myself speaking it sometimes. Thanks for the correction. I really needed to hear this. I certainly don't know what people are thinking, or feeling, I can only assume. Hearing you say that made me remember that, and I feel so much better for that. Honestly, it takes a load of pressure off me, because I've been feeling like I am not greatly liked by some of my family, mainly because my dad would make me feel like they probably didn't. Now, I know I can just talk about it to them.
    Wow, my dad speaks to me in the way you mentioned. He tells me why I did something, or what I think. He puts words in my mouth all the time. He hates any amount of disagreement. He says that if I don't agree with him, I think he's a nobody or he doesn't know anything, or I don't love him, or we don't have the same mindset. It's been really hard to maintain any kind of relationship with him lately, because I've been getting more and more frustrated with him, and our arguments are more frequent. Usually he wins the arguments, and I end up looking like the bad guy to the rest of my family. (I know this because they often tell me that I am at fault for the arguments, mainly because I should already know how our dad is, and plus, he's dad right? I have to what he says. But the issue is, I am 25 now.) At this point, I really don't know who's to blame. I'm just tired of the arguments. He's my music manager as well. I don't want him out of my life, but I am tired of his ways. Sometimes he gets fighting mad over nothing.
    Like this one time we had someone make some music for us, but there were a few notes that were off key. I wanted to call the guy, and you know, have the problem fixed. My dad said no, that would offend the guy who did the music. I tried to convince him that if we weren't happy about something, we should let the guy know, so we won't regret it later. My dad kept saying no, we should work with the music as it was. The debate got more and more heated until he was yelling at the top of his lungs, and his posture got tense and aggressive, and I gave in. But even afterward, he complained for an extra few hours about how I could have gave in from the beginning, and how I only thought I could argue with him, because another person was getting involved in my career and I thought I didn't need him anymore. That was 4 years ago, but he still holds that against me to this day. We've gotten into similar arguments since then. Everyone else around him automatically goes along with everything he says. I don't go along with everything. And I am the troublemaker for that. It's really draining to deal with.

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  47. Esther Maddox

    August 6, 2019 2:38 am

    That is exactly how I feel like.
    I never know wy. Mother narcissist .hit me all the time. Mi father never talk to me. Now I'm with a guy that treet me like both. I don't know how to break up, or live.

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  48. Inga V

    August 7, 2019 2:54 pm

    Hi Lisa. Best explanation ever. I am understand a lot. Great lesson. Thank you. Keep doing videos.

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  49. V

    August 11, 2019 2:08 pm

    I think you are right. I grew up with alcoholism, and it was very important to understand/grasp the “mood” of the room, and the people in it. Unfortunately, it was also important to understand the worst possible scenario— how bad can this get? Where can I go? I began this line of reasoning “I know what you think/feel” as a survival technique. Of course I don’t know how others think, but I’m usually close. However, this doesn’t serve me as well as an adult. In order to feel safe, I have to read the room, avoid the bad stuff while others carry on attending their own agenda. It’s making every day harder than it needs to be. Which is actually what narcissists love, making every little thing as difficult as possible. Like moving a full sized leather sofa through a narrow door, sideways and tilted when you have double doors into the same room. Like hefting every cinder block over the side of a truck when you could just move the truck. Why would someone do this? To evoke an argument so that she could get fed.

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  50. Saimazing Life

    August 12, 2019 2:13 am

    This is such a POWERFUL message! Omg. Thank you for these videos 🙂God bless you. #ParadigmShift

    Reply
  51. Tabitha Thornhill

    August 18, 2019 1:03 am

    I love this soooo much!!! Lisa I replayed 12:00 on 4x!!! 11-12:26. Oh man I'm laughing so hard !! BUT ITS TRUE!!! I absolutely felt & thought that way upon first experience of this… but said no they dont knot where I'm coming from at all. "You don't get to tell me what I'm thinking. Sorry you feel that way. "

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  52. Tabitha Thornhill

    August 18, 2019 1:17 am

    Absolutely hit it out of the park Lissaaaaaaaa!!! Relationship = Actually RELATE! 8×10 glossy
    ….. love it!

    Reply
  53. rivka coverdale

    August 19, 2019 2:29 pm

    A so called friend of mine told me were dancing last night. She told me that I'm too intellectual. Two men came up to us. She made out with one. I talked to the other. I have a boyfriend. She asked me why I was talking and not making out. I told her that I have a partner. She said to me that I need to not think about that. She was so mean that the men walked away. I walked away too. She's not kind.

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  54. helet rudewig

    August 19, 2019 7:26 pm

    Lisa I am very sorry for your sad childhood, but I grew up being belittled, critjicised, made fun of. Exactly the same. It was long ago, before there had been all this clarity about narcissists and toxic family. It took me many years to realise

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  55. S Ferghus

    August 21, 2019 8:51 pm

    My latest ex thought he could dictate to me who I was and what my motives were. His narcissism is particularly covert, but there were red flags I rationalized myself out of. I'm thankful he showed his true colors early on so I didn't expend too much of my precious time on him.

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  56. zumzy u

    August 23, 2019 8:37 am

    My worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating with the help of hacker Polone who helped cloned her phone. Contact Hacker Polone via Gmail ( encrypteddevicehacker ) thank me later.

    Reply
  57. Grace Kelly

    August 30, 2019 8:52 am

    You are a god send, I’m sorry for all the suffering you had to go through for the first thirty odd years of your life! I was living a condition life until I started to very slowly at first see the light. You help so much to validate and give us a voice. Keep spreading the awareness as you are helping all around the world to wake up. Our suffering as you are proving can be turned around (alchemy) for the good of oneself and humanity. 🙏💕

    Reply

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