How To Stop Shyness in 60 Seconds

, , 100 Comments


Today I’m going to teach you how to eliminate
shyness in 60 seconds. Literally, that’s as long as it takes if you
do these 3 steps. So this is going to be useful to you if you’ve
ever been out because I know I have. And then, you, all of a sudden, just gotten
trapped in your head. And, maybe, some of you left the conversation,
maybe it was that someone you did know entered. Whatever it was, all of a sudden, the things
that you have to say don’t seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing,
and your hands, you don’t know where to put them. You can’t put them here, you can’t put them
here. It just feels uncomfortable. So I want to help you dispel that, so that
you don’t hesitate and wind up missing out on opportunities to connect with people that
you care about. The first step is going to be this. When that moment of shyness hits and the hands
don’t know where to go, you feel that you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly,
recognize this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist. In fact, let yourself suck. What I mean by this is you can be boring. When I feel this happen to me, it happens
sometimes when I’m out at a bar or a club and I’ve been separated from my friends that
I find myself alone and feeling like I don’t really want to jump back in the conversation
with anyone, but what I used to do was go, “Hey, you’ve got to; you’ve got to be fun. This is your YouTube channel and you’re on
Charisma on Command. You got to do it,” and I’d force myself in
that moment. Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand
there and go, “You know what? I’m gonna suck. I don’t feel like doing this right now.” It’s such an amazing reboot. So what it looks like is I’ll be out and I
will, literally, my hands will drop to my side. I’m not gonna smile. I’m not gonna make or create eye contact. I might wander a little bit and I’m gonna
do as little as possible. And what this does is it frees me because
what shyness is when you don’t feel like the things you have to say are enough, when you
don’t feel like the way that you feel is enough, or good enough to engage with other people. What happens when you allow yourself to be
boring is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right? Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or
club or a networking event, right? And what that does is it eliminates the need
to perform anything, and for me, this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself
reset. And all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I should
do anything after about 20-30 seconds; I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I’m boring
myself. Well, I just go home. But at this point, you know you fully reset
when you feel that switch from “I’ve got to, I need to do this,” to “I kind of want to
now.” Caveat here, this doesn’t mean that you pull out
your phone and you text on your phone for 30 seconds. That’s the opposite. That’s you trying to look busy, right? That’s the opposite. It doesn’t mean that you go up against the
bar or stand there and try to look cool. You try to look powerful. You actually release the judgements of everybody
else. If they’re gonna think you’re boring–totally
fine. But you don’t try to look like anything. You let yourself just go slack. Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you’re going
to feel a massive difference, and that’s when step 2 comes in. So this is the Reboot Step 1. Step 2 is when we want to get started on the
right foot and you’ve heard me say this before, but the best way to do this is not necessarily
to jump in a conversation, but in my experience, is to go to your body. The problem with shyness is that the voices
in your head that are telling you that what you have to say isn’t good enough or that
you should just shut up, that your hands are in the wrong place. Those voices are more numerous and louder
than your actual voice. You’re not speaking–your interior, not exterior. We got to get you out of your head and the
body is a great place to go. I focus on three things. I’m normally concerned with my arms. I need to move these guys around, for sure. My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean
my whole vocal apparatus talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor. The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I’m going to feel And then, of course, lastly, once I’d get
these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile. The way I do this depends on the environment. If I’m at a club, I want to go to a place
where I can move and make all of these things be as vibrant as possible; that’s the dance
floor for me. So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds,
I dance, I will make noise, I would yell to my friends, whatever it is. That’s going to make me feel better. That’s going to make me smile, right? 20-30 seconds of that, I’m in a great mood. What if I’m not at a club? What if you’re not at a club? Because we feel shy in lots of places. Well, let’s say you’re in an office, do it
to the degree that you can. So if you’re in an office, you’re sitting
in a meeting, and you’re, “Okay, I’m feeling shy. Reset. Okay.” Arms–my arms need to open up. Go out, expose the underside of your body,
just let it go. So, if not your body, if you’re gonna expose
the underside of your arm, that’s gonna make you feel a little bit more at ease. Your voice, to the degree that you can, if
you have anything, try them in, but if you can’t, you can just hum it or breathing deep. That’s going to engage sort of these vibrational
things that I have found are key, actually, to feeling good. And then, lastly, the face. If somebody’s talking, you can look them in
the eye. You can send positive, you know, feedback,
with your smile, with your eyes. That kind of stuff is going to get you back
to a place that you want to be. Worst case scenario, you’re in a 3-person
conversation. These two people are talking and you just
feel completely left out. You can’t touch any of them, you can’t get
big, what do you do? Well, what you can. You can stretch your arms, okay? That’s step 1, not bad. With your voice, if you need to, you can actively
listen. “Oh, yeah, cool. Oh, he hadn’t said that to me. Interesting, right?” You get your voice going. You get your vibrations going and I’m telling
you, it makes a difference. And, then, of course, your eyes and your smile,
look them in the eye. Give them some active feedback with this. The more that you move, the more easy that
is going to feel. So you get all of these three things in place,
which brings me to step 3. We’ve used up, basically, the full minute;
first half is 3 set, second half is getting ourselves off on a good foot by getting into
the body, the third thing is sealing it, because we don’t want to go back into our head. So, to seal it, we find the most receptive,
nearest person that you can go speak to, and, typically, you want to use something that
is prepared beforehand. And what I mean by that is that I don’t want
you to going back into your head and going, “Crap, what do I say now? What do I say to him on the networking thing? It’s so dumb to ask what you do. I know what he does.” Don’t go back in your head. So, typically, it’s good to have prepared
for these situations that you find yourself, something common that you can say to strike
up conversation. It didn’t depend wherever you are. When I was in Costa Rica, I was 19 years old
when I arrived there. I was a shy kid. I didn’t speak, really, any Spanish, and I
have found it hard to connect, quite frankly. But one of the things that I did inadvertently
was I would ask people because I wanted to so bad, I would ask for directions when I
already knew where I was going. So I would be on my way to the photocopier
at a class and say, “Hey, do you know where the photocopier is?” And something interesting happened as I did
this. Some people would just tell me I got to practice
my Spanish. Some people, though, would tell me, and then,
walk with me and ask me questions about where I was from, what I was doing, and, hey, did
I want to come out and hang out to the bar with them that night? And what I found was, because I was just a
different kind of person in this small town–it was called Heredia–I went to La UNA, write
it in these comments if you’ve been there. I’m sure some of you have. But what I found was that because I was different,
people were trying to reach out to me. Now, I get that that’s not what you have,
but what I can give you are two killer prepared lines that are gonna help you in most situations,
like 95%. First one is, if you do not know the person,
and that’s very simple, you walk up to them at this point, you’ve broken your shyness
to say, “Hey, what’s up?I don’t think I’ve met you yet. I am Charlie, may I have your name?” And what that does, that “I don’t think I’ve
met you yet,” is so powerful. You could say, “Hi,” that works, but this
is better, because what that communicates is I know a lot of people here and this is
an environment in which people are saying hi, so you should be polite and friendly. It works very, very well. Take that one. Use it with people you don’t know. If you’re in conversation with people you
do know, or maybe someone you just met, and you can’t re-introduce yourself, one of the
very simple things is to just take the phrase, “Hey, this is totally random, but…” and
then say whatever you want, and specifically, speak to a passion, speak to something you
like. So, say you like books and you’re fascinated
by the kinds of books that people read, which you might say is in conversation, “Hey, this
is totally random, but have you read any good books lately?” I always like to ask people, right? or “Hey,
this is totally random, but have you actually seen any good movies? I’m looking for one that I should see this
weekend.” Whatever it is, pick something that you’re
interested in because, then, that topic of conversation is more likely be the one that
you’re interested in. So, that is how you break shyness. I wanted to give you something just for this
situation when you’re actually uncomfortable. I realize there’s things you can do beforehand. You’ve got a whole conversation at this point
to handle, but the more that you are out of your head and in your voice, shyness will
disappear, right? You cannot feel shy when you are exterior
to yourself, only when you are judging yourself and wondering how other people are judging
you, and this is meant to break that state. So, I hope that you found it helpful. If you are interested in 60 seconds to get
confident, I have like 60 seconds to get to most of the emotions that I want to do, and
there are tweaks, depending on where I’m trying to go, but if you’re curious in confidence
that’s something that I use before these videos. This is something that I do when I go out,
this is something that I would do if I, you know, were speaking publicly. If you want to get that, go ahead, click the
link, the box here. If you’re on mobile, click that little “i”
button that will pop up, the white guy. It’s going to take you to a different page
where you can drop your email and it will show you that video–Things That You Can Do
in 60 Seconds to Be Confident. If you’ve liked this video, please subscribe
to the channel. It’s gonna help you get more tips like this
on a weekly basis, plus our Charisma Breakdowns of the most charismatic people, the things
that they do that made them so much more charismatic and confident than 99% of the world; the things
that you can do too. So, go ahead, subscribe. You’ll get that stuff on your homepage, and,
I believe that I can send you an email, I’m not sure, whenever we do a new upload. So, I hope that you guys have found this helpful. I hope that this tip is good. I know shyness can be a really, really daunting
thing; I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life, and this isn’t intended to eradicate
it from your entirety of your life, but it is how you can stop it in the moment when
you have it, which I find is really the thing that most of us want to do most. So, I hope that you found this helpful and
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

 

100 Responses

  1. Thunder Bolt5

    August 2, 2019 6:04 am

    I watched this about two years ago, when i was first starting high school. I'm about to start senior year, and i'm proud to say that i can now count the number of times i haven't used some version of this when feeling shy or uncertain on one hand. Thanks, Charlie!

    Reply
  2. Gary Lineker Shags Crisps

    August 2, 2019 12:56 pm

    Me: Hey this is totally random but have you read any good books?
    Person: yes
    Me: Hey this is totally random but…

    Reply
  3. The King

    August 3, 2019 6:22 pm

    I don’t think I’m shy despite the fact everybody thinks I’m shy.

    It’s just I have absolutely nothing to say to contribute to the convo. I don’t care about what people think of me if I say anything. I just don’t know what to say😓

    Reply
  4. Lost_Boy _From_Neverland

    August 4, 2019 4:49 pm

    I think about something before saying it for like one hour. Then I either just give up and don't say it or just think that "I have nothing to lose" and say it. But usually, I feel really emberrased after saying it and think about how lame it was at 3 a.m 😩

    Reply
  5. Braceface XSaviana

    August 4, 2019 4:57 pm

    I hate being shy it keeps me from doing what I wanna do in life. I wanna be a dancer but I'm shy and people are so judgy. 🙁 I hate myself sometimes.

    Reply
  6. Daniboy Smith

    August 5, 2019 3:07 pm

    I jus be in my head a lot, but I can talk to people an I jus wish I wasn’t in my head so much

    Reply
  7. VintSafe

    August 7, 2019 4:12 pm

    If you're watching videos and trying to learn then apply what you've learned, you are in the right path.

    Reply
  8. David Lara

    August 12, 2019 2:23 pm

    Yo soy de Costa Rica bro.. Que estudiaste en la UNA?

    Cuando volvés por acá? Sería muy interesante tenerte de vuelta por acá..

    Reply
  9. Jamie Price

    August 12, 2019 10:18 pm

    I just wanna be able to talk to everybody I just don’t know what to say 😕 BUT THIS VID IS VERY GOOD

    Reply
  10. Sofia Dream

    August 13, 2019 6:08 am

    One time 3 boys where playing around and they saw a dress and they asked me do you like my dress and I wanted to say yeah totally in a funny way but I got shy

    Reply
  11. The Outcast

    August 15, 2019 8:01 am

    Normally this channel makes sense… however in this case this video couldn't be further from what shyness is and the triggers.

    Reply
  12. Davit Tarkhnishvili

    August 17, 2019 8:13 am

    What you describe here 'the techniques to get out of the mind or stop being shy' is the essence of meditation or spirituality. nice to encounter it though you don't label it with the names.Good job!

    Reply
  13. Geejae

    August 29, 2019 6:20 am

    Sooo.. take advice from a total extrovert on Adderall..
    Talk Abt from 1 to 100.
    Ps. Breath. And stop taking Adderall.

    Reply
  14. mitcyh

    August 29, 2019 11:56 am

    i have social anxiety and shyness. i hate talking to people and i'm normally alone, i'm so awkward when talking as well.

    Reply
  15. Family Guy

    September 4, 2019 11:29 am

    I entered a new school and I don't talk much. But I have a friend who usually talks for me. She even knows I'm socially awkward. I only talk to people I knew when I was small

    Reply
  16. Steve Rossen

    September 11, 2019 2:51 am

    I was pretty social or whatever for a while, but then when I started developing feelings for my crush (who was super shy), I started imitating how she acted to a degree. She is no longer my crush, but those effects are long term and I don’t think I can shake them.

    Reply
  17. mach ran

    September 12, 2019 1:07 am

    I cant approach new people especially if they are talking to other people, if they are my friend i have no problem, im just scared of being rejected (not in a dating way) or people not wanting me in their group or conversation

    Reply
  18. Kool Aid

    September 12, 2019 11:22 am

    Go to the nearest park from your home and find a girl who's either just sitting enjoying the scenery or painting or trying to play a musical instrument. Whatever it may be, as long as she is alone you know you have a chance, I approach only such girls coz I'm socially awkward as hell, so I avoid Clubs, bars etc where there are lots of people. But this is more true if you're living in Japan, coz here the girls themselves are very shy and polite. Maybe give it a try in your country and drop a reply

    Reply
  19. Bob

    September 13, 2019 12:24 am

    I am 6 foot 8 and look like a murderer… if I did this, people would be very uncomfortable. . I know I'm only one person but can you please give me advice other than this.

    Reply
  20. ThePookaPrince

    September 13, 2019 5:20 pm

    When I first moved to London I used to bring mint cigarettes to office party's to get out of awkward conversations lol

    Reply
  21. MadmanPatty

    September 17, 2019 11:22 am

    I'm basically an alcoholic because the only way I could be confident is drunk. You might get the ladies with liquid courage but they won't stay long once they realize that you only have confidence when drunk

    Reply
  22. Future Twist

    September 20, 2019 11:49 pm

    I can vouch for this one!
    Just moved out to Washington, wayyy better clubs here than back home.
    Decided I don't want to be a shy introvert anymore.
    I think back to Charisma on Command,
    "take up space, maybe make a little noise."
    So I start going hard all night. Dancing with all my energy, really getting into the music.
    NOBODY else is too energetic yet (It's the first DJ of the night), dancefloor isn't even half full yet
    I'm totally into it, and when a song I recognize starts playing, I'm screaming with hype, at this point I figured I was making a bit of a fool of myself
    But whatever, I'm into this, I'm confident. Too energetic is better than too small. I'm feeding off the energy of the room
    Within the first 30 minutes, the obvious "popular guy" with all the girls, clearly been here before, probably always in the VIP, comes over and starts to interact with me a bit
    Now we're both going hard, his friends follow,
    Now we're a circle of people all dancing together, having a good time. Dancefloor is filling up quick.
    We all exchange snapchats by the end of the night.
    Success.

    Reply
  23. Payton

    September 22, 2019 3:47 am

    The way I overcame it: We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. I learned this the hard way when someone my family was very close to died unexpectedly. Please, please don't learn it the hard way like I did! Remember, life is short so live every day as if it were your last.

    Reply
  24. Caitlyn Beck

    September 23, 2019 4:45 pm

    Hello there, I want to know if Troplusfix Dating Secrets, will really work for me? I notice many people keep on speaking about this popular dating course.

    Reply
  25. Tina Morandi

    September 23, 2019 11:42 pm

    Do anyone know about Troplusfix Dating Secrets? Does it really work? I hear many individuals get laid by hot girl with this popular dating manual.

    Reply
  26. Ella Wu

    September 25, 2019 4:34 am

    When someone talks to me and I don’t have anything to say or relate to, so I just awkwardly laugh quietly and just stand there. Also when someone laughs behind me I always expects them to laugh at me.

    Reply
  27. GachaBlox Gaming

    September 26, 2019 11:06 am

    Bruh im probably the most shyest person in our school cause ive been there for over 8 YEARS until now im still shy..
    For me , its just too late too fix and change myself up. But i atleast have 2 bffs. But. i think there just playing me around and tricking me.
    There sometimes good sometimes not so good.
    But even though i know im born shy i want to live for my family and loved ones.

    Reply
  28. Hehe mesic

    September 28, 2019 5:31 am

    See, I’m not sure what my type of shyness is, or if this is even shy. But when I meet a person I have never met before and I start talking to them, I’m super quiet and I don’t know what to say, but as soon as I talk to you even more , and get to know you even more, I am a completely different person. It’s weird , so everytime I’m at school and there’s a person I never talk to trying to talk to me I make it seem like I’m really boring but in reality if you get to know me I’m way different

    Reply
  29. ajm92cr

    September 30, 2019 5:26 pm

    I find it so crazy that you lived in Costa Rica!
    Im from there and now living abroad, and I always find it so cool to here from the experiences of people there

    Reply
  30. Jimmy Walter

    September 30, 2019 11:49 pm

    Again, he is using good techniques, but confusing the science behind them. What he is telling you to do is not to care too much, not to catastrophize about being shy or not having something to say, that it is your beliefs that being shy and not having something to say is "horrible". By disputing that and replacing it, the shy emotion dies. Dr Albert Ellis and Dr David Burns. Search at Amazon. Proven in scientific tests to help you defeat your self-defeating beliefs and the self-defeating emotions they create.

    Reply
  31. Jimmy Walter

    October 1, 2019 1:21 am

    Ok, I sent my email and got your 4 emotions video. Worst of your videos. Did not tell you how to do anything, just a come on to buy. So, while I love some of your videos, this is off putting

    Reply
  32. BecauseWhyNot

    October 1, 2019 2:03 am

    I talked to a stranger yesterday while in the elevator. No kidding i feel really proud about that. Slowly but surely cracking that shell!!😁

    Reply
  33. X kpop X

    October 2, 2019 6:44 pm

    Everyone in my class says why do you don’t talk and it’s so annoying because I hear it always I hate my shyness I’m so jealous of people that aren’t shy but I’m trying to talk to some people but some of them don’t accept me for who I am and that makes me kinda sad so a year ago I had a depression because of all this I cried everyday and I was always sad it’s getting better but I’m still so shy and no one talks to me and I never talk to someone and it’s weird if I’m gonna talk if you know what I mean but I’m trying to talk more I don’t think that it will happen but I just hope it no one in my class is shy that’s also a problem because everyone talks 24/7

    Reply
  34. Anon Rahman

    October 12, 2019 3:24 am

    I'm comfortable with friends, but I've realized when I talk to strangers or acquaintances, I change drastically and I think I'm shy. Help pls

    Reply
  35. stormvenom

    October 15, 2019 9:29 am

    Idk if its shyness but i feel nervous when i want to go to the toilet and have to ask permission from the teacher in class and everytime i wanted to pee i always hold on until its the right time or when the teacher is walking towards me

    Reply
  36. 100 subscribers with no videoes please

    October 16, 2019 7:16 pm

    I want to be Less shy but I never know what to say and I've been shy for years so if I randomly started talking more it would be weird

    Reply

Leave a Reply