My Number One Self Care Self Loving Tip to Help Deal with Depression and Anxiety

, , 66 Comments


[MUSIC PLAYING] On this channel, I do what I
can to share with all of you– people who have suffered from
codependency and narcissistic abuse, those who have come
from a trauma background. I try to do what I can
to share with you things that have affected me in
my life for the better. And I also share
with you the things that I did along the
way that were wrong or mistakes that I’ve made so
that you might, on your journey towards wellness and personal
development and healing– that you don’t make the
same mistakes I did, that you don’t waste
your time the way I did. And so I wanted to share
with this community the value of meditation and how
I went from hating meditation to absolutely loving it and
not being able to almost go a day without it. Before I started doing
meditation and getting into the practice of
meditation, my life was a mess. It was spiraling out of control. I was dealing with
clinical depression. I was severely co-dependent,
but I didn’t know it. I was always anxious inside. My mind was racing at a
million miles an hour. It never stopped. I remember not being
able to catch a thought, because my mind was just
racing all the time. I was full of fear. I was full of doubt. I was just full of angst. And my body was breaking down. I had asthma, migraine
headaches, stomach issues. I had rashes all over my body. I was stuck in fight or
flight, so cortisol was always taking over, and
inflammation was taking over. And I was convinced that if
I didn’t do something quick, that I might die. I watched my sister-in-law die– 28 or 29 years old– of
adrenocortical carcinoma. And I knew that young
people died from diseases. It was very real for me, that
moms die, and that scared me. And so after my life
began to really, really spiral after my
ex-husband and I separated and I was triggered by
my attachment trauma, things just got
really worse for me. And at one point, I realized
I have to do something. And I remember people saying,
oh, you should try meditation, or you should try yoga. And I used to get angry,
because I was like, you know, you’re making it sound
like meditation is going to cure all my problems. I have a lot of problems. How is meditation going
to cure my problems? But I was speaking from a state
of unawareness– ignorance, even. I had never tried meditation. I didn’t understand meditation. And so if you’re somebody who
is struggling with rumination, if you are somebody
who is struggling to catch their
thoughts, if you are somebody who is struggling
with obsessive worries about other people, if you
have financial concerns, if you have health concerns,
although meditation won’t cure it, won’t cure
your problems, it’s a gateway to help you
reduce your anxiety, to reduce your stress
levels, to reduce your up and down so you learn
to level out your mood, believe it or not. And what happens is you
gain mental clarity, and you start to think better. And so solutions come to you in
a way they never could before. So I want to talk about some
of the scientific benefits of meditation. Number one, studies
prove that meditation will reduce your
cortisol levels, which means that
if you’re somebody who suffers from fibromyalgia,
if you are struggling with infertility issues, if you
suffer from migraine headaches, if you suffer from
muscle stiffness, gastrointestinal
issues, you have to know that science is proving
that developing a meditation practice over a period
of time will help reduce the amount of
cortisol in your blood and, thus, your inflammation. Studies also prove
that meditation helps reduce phobias. It helps reduce
the amount of fear you feel in your body,
the amount of anxiety that you feel in your body. So meditation has been
proven to reduce anxiety. Along with the
anxiety, it’s also been proven to help people
control their OCD symptoms. Another thing that is a
benefit of doing meditation is that it increases your
self-image and your confidence. Because as you begin
to gain more control over your emotions, as you’re
not in so much pain anymore, then what happens is your
self-image begins to elevate, because the way you see
yourself is changing. It decreases depression. When I was going through
my divorce and attachment trauma, abandonment
trauma, and all my codependency stuff
was coming to the surface and I was seeing
things in myself that had otherwise
been blind to me– I didn’t see myself. I didn’t know I had a self. I didn’t know that I
could observe myself. And that’s one of the
things that meditation– it’s one of the best
things that ever happened to me through meditation, was
that I developed the ability to observe myself. But along the way, I
noticed that my depression was lowering. I wasn’t so saddled
all the time. I was actually starting
to feel joyful. And I think it’s just a
combination of slowing down my mind. The fear is leaving me. Gaining more control over
what was happening in my mind and, thus, my experience and
also the reduction in cortisol. In order to heal from
codependency or addiction or anything, we need
self-awareness, right? We live below the
veil of consciousness. We are 95% unconscious. We are sense conscious. We are unconscious. We are conscious of our senses. But we are not
conscious of what’s happening on the inside of us. We’re not, because we’re
so addicted to what’s happening outside of us. We’re stuck in
states of survival. The ego is reacting
to everything that’s happening outside of us. And so most of us lack
self-awareness, right? We are angry when people
don’t see our side. We don’t realize
that our inability to see this other
person’s side is no different than this other
person that can’t see our side. We’re two sides of the same
coin, but we can’t see it. When you start meditating,
you develop the ability to become self-aware. And that’s when you
gain the ability to see patterns in yourself
and to recognize and to become humble when you need to become
humble so that you can change what needs to be changed. So meditation allows you
to explore the inner self. When you’re codependent, you’re
not attached to the self. When you are a
narcissist, you’re not attached to the
true authentic self. When you’re struggling
with depression, you are so far from
your inner light. And using meditation
can absolutely help you explore your
inner self and gain some control over what’s
happening inside of you and also some appreciation
for the inner you. Another amazing thing
that happened to me as a result of meditating
was that my ability to focus improved. When you are struggling
with codependency and you’re struggling with
an ego that’s highly reactive and you have all this
trauma inside of you that’s yet to be processed,
it’s so hard to focus. My kids used to say,
Mom, you’ve got ADD. Mom, you’re all over the place. Plus, I didn’t I wasn’t
attached to myself, so I didn’t know how
to focus on myself. So I was other focused. When you’re co-dependent,
you’re not attached to the self. You’re not integrated, right? And so you’re focused on
everything outside of you. And so when you have
a million things racing through your head, it’s
hard to do any one thing great. And so learning to
meditate allowed me to develop an ability
to focus on myself. And to not only focus on
myself, but get projects done. So before meditating, I would
have five different projects going at one time. When I began to meditate,
it became easier for me to finish one project
at a time and do it well. Another benefit of meditation is
you become a gentler and kinder person, I guess because you’re
learning to control yourself. You’re not as reactive anymore. Your stress levels
are going down. You’re sleeping better. That’s another benefit. I think because there’s
just so many benefits to meditating and slowing
down and becoming one with the breath that you become
just a gentler, kinder person. What happened during
my meditation practice was I was able to become
aware of the law of one, that I was never not connected
to everything, that I am everything and
everything is me. And I know that sounds
hokey pokey for someone who’s never meditated before. But when you meditate long
enough, what you discover is this amazing ability to
feel connected with everything. And so you heal this
sense of separation. And you find love for the self. And as you find
love for the self, you find love for humanity. You learn to forgive yourself
as you become more self-aware, so you become more forgiving. You know that people
don’t know what they’re doing most of the
time, if they’re below the veil of consciousness,
acting out patterns. Doesn’t mean you
tolerate being abused. Doesn’t mean that you
don’t use boundaries. It just means that
you’re beginning to see things differently,
because you’re living more above the
veil of consciousness, rather than below it. I found that I was able to
handle stress so much better. So before meditating, my
life before meditation, I was highly reactive. So if the kids
knocked over a plant and there was dirt all over
the floor, I would react. If the kids were late 15
minutes coming out of school and I thought that they should
be out at 3:00, I would react. If my ex-husband texted me
and it was something nasty, I would react. If I dropped something in my
house, then I would react. I would call myself
all sorts of names. And so as I meditated,
what began to happen was I became less reactive. And I was much more able
to deal with stress– everyday normal stress
that happens to everybody. And that was a great
benefit not only for me, but for everybody in my life. My mood before meditation
and before understanding codependency and
really understanding healing and childhood
programming, it was pretty all
over the place. Like I said, I was depressed,
and I didn’t know it. I was reactive, but in my
head, it was justified. And so my mood dependent
upon everybody else. If everybody else was
happy, then I was happy. If my kids were upset,
then I was upset. I thought it was
my responsibility to make them happy. If my mother was upset,
then I was upset. And so there definitely was
this inconsistency to my mood. And meditation allowed me
to normalize the way I felt. And I began to find
this new ground zero where, suddenly, there
was peace in my heart space. There was peace in
my mind, and I began to understand that contrast. And once I began
to find that peace, I realized how crazy my life
was before I really committed myself to meditation practice. As I began to meditate, one
of the most amazing things that happened was my
sleep began to improve. In the beginning, when I
first started meditating, I would have these weird dreams. And I guess my mind
was just working out some of the repressed
emotions and the anxieties that I had suppressed. And suddenly, through
meditation, in my thoughts and in the stillness, I was
finding emotions and feelings I never felt before. And I was just allowing
them to come up for me. I wasn’t judging them anymore. I was just letting them process. And I think during sleep hours– I think this is why I
began to dream so vividly. But those dreams,
like crazy dreams, have pretty much stopped. I don’t have bad dreams anymore. But my dreams are a
lot more colorful. I have flying dreams now,
which is just amazing. I love those types of dreams. I’ve had dreams of being in
the most magnificent lavender forest. It’s just incredible. So sleep will improve
eventually if you stick with the meditation practice. Your cortisol
levels are dropping. Your mood is
becoming more stable. There’s less chaos
in your outer world, because you’re not
reacting, and that means you’re not equalizing
yourself to that energy anymore. And so you become
a lighter being. And I think sleep
becomes better as we begin to release all of these
reactive ways in which we used to interface
with the outer world. No more mental chatter. Well, once in a while,
I’ll hear something run through my mentalscape and
like, oh, what is that? Where’d that come from? But I don’t react or attach
to those thoughts anymore. And so we have the ability to
calm down the mental chatter and heal the body
of inflammation. And that is why I am so
adamant with my clients that they begin and maintain
a meditation practice. It makes you more able to
process new and healthy data, and it improves
your overall health. It improves your mental
health, and it improves the quality of your life. So if you haven’t
tried meditation, I do suggest that
you give it a go. So if you haven’t
given meditation a try, please consider it. It’s as simple as going to
YouTube or Insight Timer or any of the meditation apps. I happen to be one of the
teachers on Insight Timer. You go to the app. You put on your earbuds
you find a quiet space. You pick a meditation that you
think you might resonate with. Maybe it’s a heart
chakra meditation. Maybe it’s a
grounding meditation. Maybe it’s a third
eye meditation. Maybe it’s a deep
relaxation meditation. Maybe it’s not a
guided meditation. Maybe it’s just music. Maybe you resonate
with a male voice. Maybe you resonate
with a female voice. There really is
something for everyone, whether it’s on YouTube
or Insight Timer. And so spend some
time investigating different playlists. And make sure you find
some time in the morning, as soon as you wake up. This way, you can balance
out your emotional tone, your vibrational
offering for the day. And you want to go to bed
in a high vibration also. A calm vibration is
a high vibration. It’s a light vibration. You don’t want to bring negative
energy into the sleep space. Because once you bring– whatever you’re bringing into
your mind as you fall asleep churns in the subconscious mind. And what churns in
the subconscious mind creates brainwave patterns,
which if we don’t check those, we may actually end up
manifesting them one day. So you want to do what you
can to meditate early so you can start your day awesome. And fall asleep
meditating so you can go into slumber with
awesome, amazing, wonderful vibrations that allow you to
be more peaceful and more light in your own body. Meditation helped me save my
life, and I’m not kidding. And I believe it can
help you save yours. Namaste, everybody. Until next time. If you want to learn more about
the books that I’ve written, you can go to Amazon
and/or Barnes & Noble. You can download them also for
a free listen at audible.com. It’s all about
awareness, dear one. There is a light inside of you. You have to become awakened
to it and aware of it. Childhood program might
have made you blind to it, but the light within you exists. Meditation can help
you find light and live in peace beginning today. I hope you take me up on that. Bye for now.

 

66 Responses

  1. Lathlena Mcwhirter

    August 14, 2019 7:14 pm

    Yes! I believe this also, thank you for reminding me 💖🤓🤗 Your are a wonderful teacher ✌🤗😇💖

    Reply
  2. Bill McC

    August 14, 2019 7:18 pm

    After watching many of your videos and others I decided to try meditation/mindfulness and it has been a game changer for me. It's not easy at first, I had to stick with it but there is no going back. Thank you Lisa

    Reply
  3. Night Owl

    August 14, 2019 7:19 pm

    I learned about metaphysical healing and tapping just before all this narc realization and I can do tapping easier than meditation. I found Joe Dispenza also and really like his stuff. Thanks for another excellent video 😊

    Reply
  4. newtuber4freedom

    August 14, 2019 7:33 pm

    Love this!! ♥️♥️ Please give us reactive ruminators tips on meditation beginnings and progressions. I have tried so many times and just can not get the hang of it. What should we think or how do we empty our busy brains? Would learning in a group be better than trying it alone? Music or no music? What type if yes? Start in short increments, progress to longer? When is the best time to meditate? Thank you for all you do!! ♥️♥️

    Reply
  5. Colleen Proctor

    August 14, 2019 7:33 pm

    Soundstrue.com has a free intro course – Mindfulness Daily. The Lumosity app also has a mindfulness section, AND the brain games help improve our damaged cognitive abilities.

    Reply
  6. The Self-Love Journey

    August 14, 2019 7:42 pm

    🧡 everything you said was accurate. I never stopped to think about how beneficial meditation has been helping me. I too have dealt with narcissism in my life. Thank you for sharing and breaking it down.Insight Timer has proven to be very beneficial! Thank you for doing what you do 🙂

    Reply
  7. jenna bean

    August 14, 2019 7:44 pm

    Your videos are always so well informed Lisa, another great video indeed. This video reminded me of a video you did where you talked about how dealing with narcissism and codependency can inflict health problem such as gastritis, depression, and much more. I'm a type 1 diabetic and have always experience gastritis and hair pulling at a young age. I know it's due to my toxic environment but in turn, I developed unhealthy coping behavior in the process. Also, I wanted to say when I first heard about meditation, I thought how the heck do i do that like many others. Mrs. Lisa you are a strong, intellectual and more importantly an empathetic person and we are grateful for your help.

    Reply
  8. Joana Amorim

    August 14, 2019 9:18 pm

    Thank you very much! I am going to try. I really hope to have good nights sleep with beautiful dreams.

    Reply
  9. Yaquelin Llerena

    August 14, 2019 9:26 pm

    I want to say when I started doing the keto diet and fasting and staying away from sugar and carbs I've had the same effect of medication in my brain I'm more focused I'm more aware of everything around me and I don't react that much to the things that I used to and it's because my brain is free of sugar and I can focus and concentrate on everything I do. My brain is working on ketones.

    Reply
  10. Amber S.

    August 14, 2019 10:06 pm

    Lisa, I LUV what you say about meditation, dreams, and flying. I'm a dteam-logger and often I fly so high, orbiting Earth. And when my healing journey started I dreamed Laurie Anderson told me that meditation slows down our electric current.;) What an awesome playground the subconscious is!

    Reply
  11. Patrícia Diez Garisto

    August 14, 2019 10:11 pm

    Gratitude, Lisa, So amazing to hear from you all the benefits of the practice. I downloaded on my phone Insight timer and I´ve been fascinated.

    Reply
  12. Zehava K

    August 14, 2019 10:11 pm

    I’ve learned so much from you Beyond words. I feel like every word you say is on point. But I always felt that you just have it more together then I could ever and if I didn’t have ADHD maybe I could have success, but then you said your kids said “mom you have ADD” and my heart melted. I know you worked hard but this felt like you’re talking about me.
    Thank you for all you do.
    You literally have lifted me for years now and yet again. I love you ❤️

    Reply
  13. H Bruce

    August 14, 2019 11:14 pm

    Thank u Lisa. Yes meditation has helped me to elevate my vibration. I am almost not reactive any more to toxic people and situations. xx

    Reply
  14. Erin Laemmle

    August 14, 2019 11:41 pm

    Growing up is I think tough for everyone in every walk of life, but some parents recognize this and try to prepare the best for their children out of love. It’s the parents who don’t care at all or “pretend” to care that should not be parents! 🤷‍♀️

    Reply
  15. Ocean Corbin

    August 15, 2019 12:33 am

    Can you do a video on how to meditate? I don't know how . This video has spoke volumes to me . People in my life make fun of me for watching the videos that have been opening my eyes to toxic relationships.

    Reply
  16. Peggyhart60 Hart

    August 15, 2019 3:10 am

    Lisa,I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have been such a powerful and positive part of my day.Thank you!

    Reply
  17. Rigel Hernandez

    August 15, 2019 3:10 am

    Love love your videos and knowledge given.
    I will try meditation for the first time in my life.
    I am very excited.
    Thank you so much.

    Reply
  18. just1desi

    August 15, 2019 6:10 am

    I’ve been thinking about figuring out this whole meditation thing last few days then this popped up. I’ve not been sleeping last three nights and my self diagnosed GAD has been acting up. None of my thoughts are ever still. I worry for things I have no control over big stuff that are actual problems and small ridiculous things too. Only tv or sewing distracts me. At least my OCD is not in evidence. That’s when things get real bad lol. I need to recalibrate ASAP. I should def start meditating. Three months living with my narcissist mother after years of minimal contact just reactivated all my trauma. Away again finally but now I feel like I need to find me again.

    Reply
  19. deelot1

    August 15, 2019 6:39 am

    There are different types of meditation – try some of them out until you find the one that works for you best and commit yourself to a daily practice. I couldn’t get on with visualisation or mindfulness meditations in the long run but I found mantra-based meditation (eg transcendental meditation) life-changing. Yes it is the way back to finding and loving yourself.

    Reply
  20. Cait C

    August 15, 2019 7:46 am

    Not to discredit your video by implying mediation isnt where I should turn but when I have no where else to turn I can at least rely on you and your videos. Thank you ❤

    Reply
  21. jay burns

    August 15, 2019 8:59 am

    Hi Lisa, what exactly do u mean by '..a magnet for people who can't see you'? (in one of your previous videos entitled 'Narcissist Secret Weapon')
    Ah thanks Lisa; a little love heart by every comment except mine! I feel left out now (ah, sure I always was!! (excuse the poor little old me syndrome))

    Reply
  22. Phoebe Sativa

    August 15, 2019 10:14 am

    My mind is so fast and scattered I don’t know how to even begin to meditate, seems like an impossible task for a mind like mine. I’m sure it’s not but it’s such a adhd mind + ptsd and many other disorders

    Reply
  23. Michele Abbott

    August 15, 2019 1:07 pm

    Thank you Lisa I have been watching you for about a year and you and some others have helped me so much!! I would not be as calm today while still dealing with a Narc. without all of you. I am so thankful for ALL the INFORMATION available on so many subjects. When I don't feel like I need to engage my EGO I have peace. AMAZING!!! I can watch him throw fits and I don't engage and it makes me feel so in control of myself. Wonderful!!

    Reply
  24. Gilly Mac

    August 15, 2019 4:07 pm

    Hola beautiful healers!
    Emergency question! I'm riddled with CPTSD & find I fawn in situations I'd like to be more confrontational/assertive/brave in? 2recent examples.. saw a mum pushing her child on the bus & instead of being able to holler "Excuse me, DON'T. That's child abuse!" I had an awful panic attack on the back seat, &, I have a new puppy. I just took her out for the 1st time & a neighbour's overly entitled, obese cocker spaniel barked at her & spooked her so badly she tried to hide under a car. The neighbour did nothing to correct her own dog's misbehavior, & simply shouted over "She just barks." Well…How do I grow the bravery to correct my own wrong doing, ie, inaction & silence through fear? HELP PLEASE!! 🙏🏻

    Reply
  25. Genuine Julie

    August 15, 2019 5:04 pm

    Do you know what those flying dreams mean? I’ve had them for years on and off and always thought it was strange, as I’ve never flown like a bird before….

    Reply
  26. EmmySue

    August 15, 2019 10:18 pm

    I'm glad that some here, including Lisa, are talking about ADD. I have ADD really badly!! Doing trauma work has played a role in re-activating my ADD, as well as continuing to be involved with narcissistic personalities who gaslight…that means lie and manipulate. . Meditation does work for me, but since I've been so out-of-focus, I haven't even been doing any med. Am starting one of Lisa's programs where meditation will be front and center, so FINGERS CROSSED!! Lisa, as always, you are one of the BEST teachers ever, and I appreciate you and your work so much!

    Reply
  27. Sema Sariyildiz

    August 16, 2019 12:13 am

    I always hated meditation and yoga kind tools. I always skipped your video s about meditation. The title of this video hooked me. From now on i give it a go.

    Reply
  28. maddy d

    August 16, 2019 1:58 am

    I'm going to get on the horse again and re-visit meditation. Thank you for your motivation. It's much needed.

    Reply
  29. dpalacios7894

    August 16, 2019 2:04 am

    My God this is so helpful in my life right now. I feel there is hope for me. Thank you🙏🏻

    Reply
  30. Brenda Bryson

    August 16, 2019 5:20 pm

    Thank you Lisa for all that you share. I have learned so much from you. I also love meditation and start and end my day with it. What a game changer! It is a beautiful gift of self love when we take the time to meditate 🙏💞

    Reply
  31. Ahimsa42

    August 18, 2019 5:22 pm

    “If one is trying to practice meditation and it still eating meat, he would be like a man closing his ears and shouting loudly, and then asserting that he heard nothing.”—Ancient Buddhist

    Reply
  32. Jeanette Boston

    August 18, 2019 11:07 pm

    Thank you! You are my parent utube advise…I have worked soo hard & come soo far. But its hard to find more healing or healed people to be around.

    Reply

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