The Connection Process – How To Connect With Someone -Teal Swan-

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How to Connect With Someone Hello there. there are many reasons why it might
be hard for you to connect to the people. and why it might be hard for other
people to connect with you. Usually during these episodes I like
to be as comprehensive as possible about the entire subject
in this case connection. But today I’ve decided
I’m not going to do it. I’m going to jump right
into the meat of it. And i’m just going to teach you literally
how to connect with someone. 1. Give the person that you
want to connect with your unconditional, undivided
focused presence. when you give someone your
unconditional attention, your focus, you are gifting them with the
fullness of your consciousness. The fullness of your presence. And if you would like to connect with
someone this is absolutely imperative. don’t confuse this
with aggression. It’s not forcing yourself
on someone. This is gifting your
energy to someone. 2. Use body language
that is open to them. Make sure you smile, turn
your chest towards them. Make sure your arms and
legs aren’t crossed. you want to give them the idea that you’re
open to them, not closed to them. Again, this body language is open
and inviting, not aggressive. 3. Become interested in them. You will get far more connections
and far more friends by becoming interested
in other people, than by trying to get other
people interested in you. So learn about them. You can even pretend that you are
mentally designing a manual for them. The energy you
want to give off is that you really want to know
them and relate to them. Not that you want to get
something from them. If you don’t have a genuine
interest in the person you’re trying to connect
with, stop trying. Everyone can pick up on the
truth of how you really feel. It’s just the most people aren’t
brave enough to call like it is. 4. Seek out common ground. This instantly establishes
rapport with other people. And it’s a great skill to develop. If you feel like you have to connect
with or want to connect with someone whose views and opinions are
very different from your own. For example, let’s say that i’m going to
school and getting a degree in accounting. And another person is going to
school to get a degree in biology. Obviously, those two things
may not exactly line up. But maybe both of us like tennis. Tennis is what we’re
talking about than. Pay very close attention to what
someone says and does in order to recognize the
common ground between you. 5. Aim for intimacy. This is not surfacy stuff. Intimacy is being known
for who we really are, and knowing the other person
for who they were really are. If you are interested in
a surfacy relationship, than let’s face it, you’re not
really interested in connection. Intimacy is not sex. But sex can be intimate sex. Intimacy is a whole other thing. You can break the word intimacy
down into, into-me-see. Quite literally to develop intimacy, we
practice seeing into the other person. feeling into them,
understanding them. with intimacy you have a shared
experience of emotional and mental, and if the situation calls
for it, physical closeness. 6. Ask questions. A person who doesn’t
want to answer questions is either apprehensive
about connection, or literally doesn’t want it. you can learn to develop a
connection with someone who’s afraid of
intimacy but wants it. But it will be nearly impossible
to develop a connection with somebody who literally doesn’t
want connection with you. So make sure the person you are trying to
connect with, actually wants to connect. And if connection
is what you want, do not spend your time trying to convince
someone to want to connect with you. Find someone who does. Ask questions that reveal the deep
inner world of someone to you. Asked about opinions, beliefs,
like, dislikes, dreams, struggles. You want to aim to
know this person for who they really are at
the deepest level possible. Asking someone questions only
feels like an interrogation, if you are asking questions but are
avoiding answering them yourself. Also, some people have the
tendency to ask questions only so that they can
talk about themselves. this is also a barrier
to connection. 7. When they tell you about
themselves receive them completely, without trying to fix them
or change their minds. You want to listen to them
fully with your heart, with your eyes, with your
ears and with your mind. A huge part of connecting is
providing a safe space to connect. This is the responsibility
of both people. People are afraid to share the
truth of themselves with you because they are afraid
of the consequences. And so let there
be no consequence. Even if you disagree
with their opinion, treat their opinion as important
for them, and remind yourself that there is a valid reason
that they feel that way. Antagonism kills connection. Remember that people need their emotions
received more so than anything else. For more information about how to
approach emotions in relationships, Watch my video on YouTube titled:
Emotional Wake Up Call 8. Initiate. This is especially true for men. If you’re a man and
you don’t initiate, then you have actually
reversed your polarity, by going into a state that is
purely passive and receptive. We would love to connect with people but
we usually wait for them to come to us. We should get over it. The reality is, once we do the
shadow work on rejection, then we will start going to the
places and going up to the people who we actually want
to connect with. And that really is our only opportunity
to actually get that connection. Here’s a secret, nearly everyone on
earth is insecure and afraid to be the
one to speak first. So it might as well be you. 8. Be honest, genuine and authentic. Transparency rules the day when
it comes to genuine connection. A great way to establish
connection with somebody, is to pay them a compliment but
this compliment must be genuine. If it’s not genuine
people can feel it. They’re much more
sensitive than we think. you’re not going to be able
to keep up a facade forever. So when you go to
connect with people don’t think about putting
your best foot forward. think about putting your
usual foot forward. Besides, let’s really think about this. If we want a genuine connection and we put forth our best
foot only or our facade, then what happens is that later,
they are disillusioned in us. What they’re in love with is the facade,
not the real us so it’s destined to fail. It’s better to get it out of
the way in the beginning and to rule out the ones who really aren’t going to love
you for who you really are. so that your only left
the ones who can. People are sensitive to energy
whether they know it or not. The scariest thing in the world
for people is pretense. They can feel it if you’re acting and
looking and saying one thing when the feeling of you that is
underneath is contrary to that. 10. Be open. Let yourself be an open book. Openness is emotional generosity. It’s not going to work for connection
to be stingy with yourself in any way. If you want to be truly
connected with somebody. you’re going to have to be willing
to let them come fully into you and to go fully into them. This creates a space of vulnerability
and vulnerability is very very scary. but we’re never going
to be able to connect if we’re not brave enough
to risk that vulnerability. because let’s face it, the way we are living unconnected
to people, isolated and alone internally, it’s really not worth the
risk of even losing them or meeting with negative ends. Isolation is in fact the most painful
thing that a human can experience. If you’re resistant
to being open, figure out what you’re
trying hide and why? What are you ashamed
of or afraid of? The only reason you would
hide something from anyone is because you’re afraid of
some kind of consequence. Should you really be ashamed of
any aspect of yourself that is true? you can’t hide things
from people forever. I’d say it’s better to tell people up
front than to disillusion them later. Besides you’re looking for someone
who wants to connect with all of you. The real point of connection is
to find someone who can be fully with you, with the
positive and with the negative. Not someone who needs all of your life
to be positive in order to love you. this is conditional love. Include them in your life. sometimes offering information about
yourself even if they don’t ask for it, helps other people feel included
by you and wanted by you. Share your passion with
the other person. Demonstrating passion
opens people up to you and often makes them feel
inspired and energized. 11. Relate to them. Be compassionate towards them
and find ways to validate their reality. To validate themselves
as a person. there’s a lot of emphasis
put on the idea that it’s not a good idea to allow
yourself to merge with another person so as to feel their emotions. But I actually disagree. This is only a problem if we’re
unwilling to feel emotions. Or if we’re shaky in our own
identity in the first place. but if we want to truly
connect with someone we have to be willing
to feel what they feel, to know what they know,
to see what they see. Yes it sounds scary, but it is
also the open door to connection. We have to be willing
to walk in their shoes. So it might even be helpful
for us to do a visualization, where we imagine ourselves
literally being them. Not going over to their
side of the fence with all of our beliefs,
with our perspective. Instead we go over to their side of the
fence and live the life they’ve lived, with the opinions they have, and look at the world
as they see the world, and feel the world
as they feel it. Pay special attention to
the fact that sometimes when we think that we’re
relating to somebody, all we’re actually doing
is using the story that they’re telling
us to tell our story. So we’re actually not really interested
in what they’re going to say. We just want to use it as a segway
to talk about ourselves. We are much more interested
in them hearing our story than we are about having them
feel heard and understood. This makes them feel insignificant
like you’ve just used them as a stage to stand
upon and crowl. If you want them to care
about your experience you’ve got to genuinely
care about theirs. Stir completely clear
of reinforcing the idea that you don’t
understand their viewpoint. Some well-meaning people do this
and it completely kills connection, and makes people feel
like they are all alone. Here’s an example, someone expresses
that they never knew their family. You jump in and say oh how sad I
loved my family they were awesome. I just didn’t know where
I’d be without them. Especially my Mom. You’ve just created
separation not connection. You’ve just made them feel
alone in their opinion or feeling. 12. Be thoughtful and mindful
of the other person. Be demonstrative with your love. Most of us even though we like
people, we don’t really show it. We don’t demonstrate it
and then we expect the other person to know
that we care about them. We have to stop expecting that
if we really want connection. We have to actually put forth energy to
remember dates that are significant. To remember things that they’ve told
us from previous conversations. To make sure that we have learned
them enough to know what they like so that we can get
them things they like. Or to spend quality
time with them. Or to know that they might need
a hug and so we give them one. Make them a
priority in your life. It’s difficult to connect with
someone when the message you keep giving him or her is
you’re not important to me. So make sure the people
you want to connect with are actually important and
are actually a priority to you. Be helpful where
you can be helpful. But before you help someone
simply ask yourself the question: By helping in this way,
am I sending the message that they need to be fixed or that
something about them is not okay? If not, go ahead and help. Or help while making it known that
you don’t need them to be fixed in any way you simply thought it
would bring them some happiness. For more information on helping other
people watch my youtube video titled: To Help or Not to Help? 13. Practice exuding warmth
and love to other people. people are very energy sensitive. So when you practice exuding warmth
from your being exuding love, it becomes an invitation for
people to connect with us. Sarbdeep has fact has one
of my favorite practices for developing this
kind of connection. When you’re walking down the street
and you pass random strangers. You focus intently on
that one stranger and you look for something that you
appreciate or love about that person, and then mentally as you
are witnessing that thing, you say to yourself: “I love you for (fill in the blank)” And then mentally say:
Why you would like that. and finish it with:
“I love you for that”. As you say those words
imagine sending that energy out your heart chakra
towards them. As if sending the message as
an invisible signal to their hearts. For example, if you pass a
woman you might say: “I love you for the way you
are holding your child’s hands because I can see that you
are nurturing and loving and it is helping him to feel
secure. I love you for that”. You do this exercise as a silent practice
with as many people as you can. But it’s better to pick just five people
and too intensely focus on them so that you really feel the
appreciation and love for them. Than to pick 20 where you moderately
feel the emotion towards them. And you moderately focus at
the thing you like about them. A bonus is that as you do
this practice you are literally causing a ripple in the
collective consciousness. And you will be absolutely
surprised about just how different your interactions with
people will be. So that is for the surface
side of deep connection. There is a technique which
I’m going to teach you, where we can actually allow our souls
to completely connect with one another. Now this exercise I will warn you, is not only difficult but also
incredibly threatening to the ego. So to do this exercise, in essence you have to become
okay with being willing to die. This technique must
be done with someone who absolutely wants to do
this connection with you. They have to want to let you completely
in and to go completely into you. So don’t try to rope anybody into
doing this particular practice. To start I want you to remove all
of the jewelry that you’re wearing especially crystals, especially
protection crystals. You want to be in your most
raw and vulnerable state. Ideally if we were doing this with our
partner we would do it naked. ~ Giggles ~ But if we’re doing it with a
friend we can stay clothed. Choose a place with
no distractions and sit down in front of one
another cross-legged and across from each other so that
you are looking at each other. Loosely connect your hands
or arms with each other in a comfortable
and relaxed way. This next part you can do with your
eyes open or with your eyes closed you want to imagine or sense or
feel each one of your chakras. Starting with the base going all
the way up through the seven. If you’d like to extend beyond
that you can go ahead. But it’s best to work with the seven
primary ones if you can’t go further. So you’re visualizing
those chakras opening. And then you’re visualizing
or feeling or sensing, breathing in the other
person’s energy through each one
of your chakras. You can start with one, then move to the next,
then to the next. But we want to get to the
point where we are literally feeling ourselves breathing the
fullness of that other person’s energy through our chakra
system simultaneously. 4. Begin to sense, or see, or
feel your identity dissolving. This can be a very frightening
step for people. The ego is concerned with survival and
the ego is of course the separate self. But what I am teaching you to do right
now is to fully merge with someone. To fully merge, you have to be willing
to let go of your own singular identity. So don’t be surprised
if fear comes up. It’s okay to just be
present with the fear. Be okay with it being there
and continue just the same. The ego thinks that connection
means that it will die. We have to quite literally decide the
connection is more important than living. And that connection is
worth the risk of death. it takes immense bravery. We often have to decide that it is better
to have connection and to lose it, than never to have it at all. To be able to do this part of the
exercise and the rest that is to follow. 5. You want to look at each
other directly in the eyes. It’s okay if you want to focus
on one eyes specifically or you can relax your
gaze and look into both. The point is that you’re going to practice
going straight through their pupil. Then we decide who is
going to journey first. What that means is we decide
who’s going to be the journeyer and who’s going to
be the receiver. The journeyers job is to take their
consciousness into the other person. The receiver’s job is to open
up and allow the journeyer to come in with their
consciousness to there being. The journeyer enters the receiver
through the pupil of the eye as if sinking into a black hole. If you’re really struggling
as the journeyer or as the receiver with
this penetration, then what I want you to do is
to break your concentration and to hold each
other heart to heart. So you want to press your
heart chakras together physically and hold
each other like that. And breathe the energy back and forth
between your hearts for a time. This often dissolves the barrier
so that we’re willing to go deeper. The receiver focuses on
inviting the journeyer in, breathing the journeyer in, and imagines or senses or feels
themselves opening up to take them in. The receiver simply focuses on allowing, surrender and on the feeling of the
journeyers presence entering them. The journeyer focuses on
using their consciousness to penetrate deeper and
deeper into the person. Like a being who is exploring
a foreign planet. Curiosity and non-judgment are crucial. The journeyer projects
love and gratitude into the receiver as they
move deeper and deeper. Conveying any messages mentally,
emotionally, or energetically, that they feel would help the
receiver to open up further. Or any message they feel the
receiver needs to hear. I want to stress that you
can say these messages in your mind’s eye or you
can also say them out loud. For example, as the journeyer
if you feel like you’ve hit a wall where somebody’s
not letting you in, because they’re afraid
you’re going to leave, it might be beneficial for you to
say: “I’m never going to leave you.” Also if you’re struggling to go in as
the journeyer to the other person, it might be beneficial for you to
drop your own self-interest and to purely focus on what the other
person has that is an unmet need, and how you might go about
meeting those needs. If you completely focus
on the other person and what they need
and on exploring them, Then sometimes that’s enough
to get us beyond our barriers to going into someone. Because we know that
we’re serving a purpose. So the ego will back it
up instead of resistant. During this process your walls
and blockages to connections, will all come up for both the
receiver and for the journeyer. these walls or belief patterns
and emotional patterns that have resulted from life trauma
experienced by the receiver and experienced by yourself
as the journeyer, usually more walls come
up for the receiver. These can be visual, or mental,
or even just walls that you feel between you and the experience. You will both run into them. This is especially true because
most people are multi-layered. So as you enter into them
you will experience layer after layer after layer As you sink into deeper and deeper
and deeper layers within them. some light, some dark, some positive
feeling, some negative feeling. And in front of some of these layers
are energetic and emotional walls. When you encounter a wall your first prerogative is to
completely become aware of it. You want to learn from it. You need to know
why a wall is there. Consciousness dissolves
subconscious walls. Because once a subconscious
wall becomes conscious, the consciousness goes
to work dissolving it. What is the wall trying to prevent? Why has it chosen this
feeling or this appearance? Let your intuition speak to you. And hand you insight about each
wall that you encounter. subconscious walls cannot
withstand consciousness. They usually begin to dissolve once we
are conscious of them and their purpose. You can reassure this wall
that it’s okay to dissolve. That it doesn’t need
to exist anymore. It’s really important
that we understand that though there are multiple
ways of breaking down walls, for some people breaking down walls
literally creates further trauma. So it’s better to love a wall
into a state of dissolving, instead of try to
destroy the wall. Some walls do not
feel like walls at all. But more like funnels or plastic
barriers or electric barriers. All of this is normal. If the wall absolutely does
not want to come down we need to honor that fact. Sometimes that right there is what
a wall needs in order to come down. In fact, it’s just to know that
it’s going to be honored. But sometimes if we really
can’t get past the wall, we can involve the receiver
and have the receiver focus on breaking down or dissolving
that particular wall. 10. As you move through these
layers in these various walls, the best way to get through them
is to melt through them. That means as the journeyer,
you melt through the receiver. And as the receiver you let the
journeyer melt through you. The way that we melt
through these layers is by completely allowing
ourselves to be present with what we are experiencing. Most especially the way that, that
particular experience or layer feels. We release resistance to it completely. For example, if you encounter
a layer of numbness. You allow yourself to be completely with
that numbness and to feel it totally. You let the numbness consume you. And in the absence of that resistance
you will melt through that layer, to the one below it. If fear comes up be
present with the fear. Let it consume you even. Become so okay with
the feeling of the fear, that it has nothing
to push itself against. And you will melt
through that layer. A person who is
afraid of feeling, especially afraid of
feeling their own feelings will have a very difficult time
with this particular process. What we have to do, is
to become perfectly okay with whatever experience we have. And don’t be surprised if you have
extreme sensory hallucinations, or visual hallucinations
during this process. This is all okay. Nothing is going wrong. We have to be brave enough to be willing
to stay present with those hallucinations regardless of what they are. You have a choice either you
can match the frequency of the particular layer
that you are in, completely experiencing
it in your being, so for example, if you
hit a layer of grief, you can let the
grief become you. You can feel what the receiver feels
at that layer and practice true empathy. Or you can match the frequency
of the person’s eternal soul. Often called the higher self,
which holds a frequency of pure appreciation and
love for the receiver. And you can descend
through each layer lovingly embracing your way
through each one. Trust your intuition to know which one
is the most needed by the receiver. Either way you are
matching their frequency. Just a different aspect
of their frequency. And thus making a genuine
empathetic connection. As the journeyer, we want to see
and hear and feel and understand the receiver completely. As the receiver,
we want to be felt, we want to be heard,
we want to be seen, we want to be
understood completely. As fears come up for both of you let them
occupy the space between the both of you. As if it is being held and
cradled by the both of you. This is an energetic taking care
of the resistance that is there. If we are both ok with it,
we’re both taking care of it, then we are both responsible
for the releasing of resistance to those particular fears and so
they will more easily go away. We are present with this
exercise for as long as it takes for us to feel as if we have gone
through the other person completely. Most often what this means is, you
go totally through every layer that there is to a person, until you are returned to
their eternal source aspect until it feels like you
have rejoined God. Now it’s really crucial that we
never pull out of the experience when we’re going through especially
a negative layer inside of a person. We have to at least make
sure that we get through to a positive feeling layer
within that person. Because it’s so common for
most of us due to our childhoods, to have the message that we are
not going to be connected with because there’s some aspect
of ourselves that’s not okay, or that’s too scary,
or that’s evil. If we withdraw we actually risk
traumatizing the person further. And actually closing themselves
off to connection even more. When we have completed this
journey we then switch roles. And the receiver becomes the journeyer,
the journeyer becomes the receiver. When we have both completed the
process we discuss our experiences. We write them down. We begin to process them
together not alone. It’s really important that you do this
particular exercise with enough time. Sometimes this can take four
hours, other times it takes one. So we have to make sure that
we care more about going fully through the experience than we care about being
somewhere else on time. it’s also really crucial that we don’t
do this exercise with strangers, until we become so familiar
with connecting with people that we’re no
longer afraid of it. We need to pick people who we already
have some degree of trust for. That’s the only way it’s
really going to work. When you do this with
a complete stranger still having barriers
to connection, you also risk retraumatizing yourself. This is the real reason why
I’m not a major fan of this new age trend of eye gazing
with people you have just met. All that does is put you
into a space of insecurity. And most people think
they may be connecting but they’re really not
connecting at all, they’re just running
into each other’s walls and that’s your first
introduction to each other. Believe me when I tell you that
I could never explain this process in enough detail for you to
completely understand it. This is something which must be
experienced in order to be understood. And don’t think that you’ll only be
doing this one time with a person. We should aim to do this anytime we
feel like we want deeper connection or deeper understanding
with someone. Especially if we’ve entered into
a partnership with someone. And be prepared for all of
your shadows of loneliness or isolation to come in
the wake of this process. Connection flushes to the
surface anything unlike itself. So that may be integrated into
our conscious awareness. This is the path of healing But the path of healing is
not always comfortable. So it is important if you have
shared this connection, to really be there for each other
in the wake of the experience. Especially in the following week
or month after you have done it. This is a sacred experience, it is
to be treated with the utmost care. We are now trusted with the authentic
truth of another human being. They have entered a vulnerable space
so as to give themselves to us. Both their power
and their frailty. We must honor that trust, or else
we are not in the space of integrity. Separation is the
real hell on earth. And the worst version of that hell is when
we feel an internal sense of isolation, even though we are physically
surrounded by other people. This is the very condition that
so many of us experience today. Connection is in fact the
antidote to suffering. We need to be willing to be
completely with each other. Regardless of whether we
are in a space of pain, or we are in a space of joy. It is to say to somebody: “I don’t care whether you’re
in rain or you’re in shine, but i’m with you
no matter what.” Give this gift to someone today. have a good week!! Subtitles by:
Bodhi Shin & Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the Amara.org community

 

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