Triangulation: Who Gets Targeted and Why it Works? |Evening TV

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For it to work there has to be an
agreement to suspend disbelief because a person who’s healthy, a person who has
your back is gonna say” convince me” hi everybody welcome to evening TV. I’m
Evening Ransom. about how they had been triangulated how they had basically
gone up to bat for the narcissist before they understood really who he was and they
felt really responsible because they had really gone to bat for getting him increased visitation with his kids and that kind of thing, and kind of and
minimizing his ex-wife’s child support and all this kind of stuff and then
later she realized that she had basically helped the bad guy and she described the stories and why she why she thought that
she was doing the right thing and it made perfect sense. It really
would made a lot of sense for just about anybody. When I’m talking about my
own situation and I I haven’t ever done that but what I definitely
had done is I had gone up to bat for my ex… I mean I never done anything in court or anything like
that but I had gone up to bat for him with my own family early on and I had gone
up to bat for him with his family and I had gone up to bat for him with a friend.
And the family stuff was really early on but the friend thing was it was all part
of the discard that was the way that you use me after the discard what the what
the narcissus is doing is they’re beginning everybody to do their dirty
work for them and kind of floating under the radar looking and acting innocent and
whatever while everyone else is going at it , right? Everyone else becomes flying
monkeys, everybody else … What’s really important
is to sort of pull back and take a look at it because what you’ll notice is
that the only relationships that were triangulated were sick dysfunctional
relationships. I mean for instance my brother had never taken my side like
their friends there been numerous events over time and across the board he never
took my side I realized when I look when I look at my own situation is that there
was a narrative going on that everyone everyone was agreeing to like out really
what they’re saying but what really is happening is is that the narcissist has
triggered something in that particular individual so in fact everyone is doing
everyone is turning on you for one reason they’re all saying but they’re
each doing it for their own reasons so let me do it I’ll show you how this
works so basically with it with the narcissus is doing or that you know the
sociopath whatever the abuser is doing the abuser is doing is they’re exposing
everyone’s wounds all the all the people that he’s gonna get to be flying monkeys
and enablers right now the thing to keep in mind is these are already the
vulnerable people okay healthy people aren’t gonna do this is he’s not gonna
go for healthy people this is only gonna be people that are vulnerable to it
people that he can see that there is a potential for this that this is gonna
work well this is why it was so devastating in my case because everyone
was almost everyone was vulnerable I was not going along with the narrative it
just could be that much that I was stealing him it of our identity our
agreeing our story we were telling it so it was a choice of mine being resented
because I knew the truth and that man I had to go I had to I had to go
triangulation basically what it is is it is a test it
basically taking the temperature of your family taking the temperature of your
relationships how healthy are your relationships right for it to work there
has to be an agreement to suspend disbelief because a person who’s healthy
a person who has your back it’s gonna say convince me right if someone comes
to me and says it said to me about my brother that he’s this and that you know
especially someone who’s divorcing them I would be like uh yeah I don’t think so
you know I’d be like you know you’d have to convince me if I tell there’s some
evidence I would certainly have to see something myself you know the if you’re
have if you have a whole bunch of people that are turning their backs on you and
no one has ever seen any witness of anything they’re purely going on what
they’re being told by someone who’s leading you that’s telling now of course
in my case is also compelling because my immediate family my brother and my
parents had also they were the first to favor the first that’s when he cornered
them first so that was compelling to people plus the fact that I’d also have
this heart attack and so there had to be an exam people are trying to come up
with explanations that’s the other thing is that if there is unexplainable things
people want to know things people want to know that they’re doing it right that
they that they played their cards right and so they’re gonna be safe so it
upsets everyone to think that someone just out of the blue who’s doing
everything right who’s who’s not abusing drugs who’s not doing anything could
just all of a sudden have a heart attack at 30 years old and almost die it’s
equally disturbing to think that someone who looks like they have everything
going for them that their husband could just up and leave I mean what was really
happening was just too terrifying for people it was just to everyone people
didn’t like that nobody like like to think that we’re all about vulnerable so
blaming the victim was very very tempt because they wanted to think I had done
something to make it happen therefore they were safe because they were doing
it right right and that’s very very tempting and so and so you look across
the board and the vast majority of the people did leave that there were there
were just three friends that didn’t and the end date and all they did was they
wanted to talk to me but the ones that just up and left they left without
talking to me about it they left without ever witnessing anything they wouldn’t
what that tells me these are people that didn’t have my back those were sick
dysfunctional relationships to begin with because because people have your
back will say medicine sound right convinced me and I mean like I and
here’s the other thing too is the people that the people in my in my situation
they had know me and minimum of about 12 years and a maximum of all my life so
these were not people that had just met me I mean these were people that knew me
they had years and years and years of knowledge of me and never once saw me do
anything remotely like I was being accused of doing all of these things all
these things that were talking about they’re taking place in in relationships
that are already sick so that’s four there’s nothing to look at because yeah
we’re all the narcissist fault you know the flying monkeys a triangulation the
all this stuff but that’s an endemic of a very sick whole community because in
healthy communities with functioning people and functioning you know
committed relationships or loyal relationships this stuff wouldn’t happen
the stuff wouldn’t work take a look take a peek at your whole system the whole
system and see because this hasn’t happened to you yet you could be really
surprised you know I I certainly was I didn’t I
did not think in a million years that the people that turned their backs on me
ever would I thought they were loyal front and I wouldn’t have turned my
backs on them so I wouldn’t turn my backs on any of these people and I
assumed that that was mutual and it wasn’t it wasn’t why is that I think
people are more afraid than I am maybe there any people walking around a lot of
fears a lot of thoughts and things that I don’t necessarily you know people care
a lot more about what other people think than I do I think and also sadly I think
it’s because a lot of who are apathetic I think apathy is and laziness is it
just a real growing evil in our society and it really it really lends itself to
narcissistic abuse because you almost always need a certain element of apathy
and laziness for it to work because generally speaking they are asking you
to do the leads they’re asking you to take the path of least resistance
you might see some things we’re gonna act like it’s not you can just pretend
like it’s not all pretending you don’t see anything and just we’ll just go on
in so nothing’s happening whereas the abuser is gonna say don’t
you see what they’re doing I need your help
how come you’re not offended on my behalf I come you’re not standing up for
me there and there’s a lot of reasons when people do that it’s like people
that want to get involved people don’t you know we don’t have enough compassion
don’t have enough empathy anymore you know maybe that’s part I think you know
it’s a we are we need to work on our compassion and so I think that’s part of
it and and also we don’t feel responsible if in my situation what was
really really devastating was that people assumed that my husband and my
parents and my brother were responsible and they were I can’t argue with that
they were okay so they were responsible but they weren’t coming here for me and
so then what you know it was the the rare person
that stepped-up very rare person and and it was better off for me when I came
into an uber but people didn’t know didn’t even know about you know then
then it was a little bit better but I mean you know where people wanted to
step in and help out a single mom who’s struggling with it doesn’t have a family
who’s disabled and and you know because that’s that’s what I was I was a
struggling single mom who has disabilities and didn’t have any money
he didn’t have any medical insurance didn’t have a home didn’t have yeah I’m
scared I walked up with all the problems just like those scapegoat math you know
I think that’s exactly how that’s exactly how it went so that’s that’s the
whole thing with how this kind of triangulation stuff works is these kind
of people really need to escape those they need to project onto somebody and
and the sad thing is is that the consequences can be very dire I mean
this would be huge huge stakes and the catalyst could be something super petty
super petty or it could it could even be something subconscious that even they
don’t even understand you know just a trigger something triggers you about
this person and something comes out and you that’s you know cruelty but what I
see in all of it is they see that compassion is secure compassion is is
what’s missing compassion is what’s missing in all these relationships and
it’s not just the narcissist it’s all the people involved and it’s they talk a
lot about Psychopaths and sociopaths and we talked about empath
but we don’t talk that often about apathy and apathy is definitely an
important part of the whole system it makes the whole system work and if
you look at a really compelling example you know look at the Holocaust now
that’s a whole a big you know historical example was absolutely necessary for a
whole lot of people to just look away it was very that if a whole lot of people
hadn’t just looked away it couldn’t have happened and so that’s
that’s the thing to look out for and you know going forward it’s you know take a
look at your own community and also keep an eye out you’re seeing something else
happen in somebody out and some other relationships not saying stick your nose
into things but we can’t we can’t do nothing you know we can’t do nothing
that’s part of why I’m even here it’s exactly that you know it’s like I
thought figured I can’t go through this learn all this stuff and have all this
all this lessons and stuff but I didn’t know years ago and then just what keep
it to myself well they just get sicker and sicker and I don’t help anybody you
know no I figured I get at least I could at least share what I know and so maybe
I can help somebody it’s a take a peek at that the role of the third-party role
the fact that sometimes it’s not just apathy sometimes there’s actually there
there is actually an aggressiveness a resentment a something going on with the
other person too and something that’s being triggered and in essence for
triangles to work and for their be flying monkeys and all that there is
something amiss there’s something amiss that’s not gonna happen and please write
in the comments below it correct me correct me if I’m wrong if you have an
instance where you have a very open and loving and communicative relationship
that somehow it ended up getting triangle some of the Himalayan can you
lost the relationship but it was actually a really healthy good
relationship prior to the narcissist or the abuser messing with it and look at
even if even if the person is themselves maybe a closeted alcoholic and they
start triggering something about substance abuse here and that triggers
something and then I’m answering about any kind of any kind of issue there’s
some kind of issue going on for that person to be susceptible to that
happening they’re vulnerable to it happening
because it doesn’t happen to everybody and that you’re like I was saying I
think I might’ve stopped myself the middle of the three that didn’t the
three friends of mine we’re not triangulate able were was that
we’re at the time you know happiness secure in their relationships they
didn’t have any abuse issues or substance abuse issues they they didn’t
have they have any secrets they didn’t have any secrets you know how many
things ever hiding from others or themselves they they were the ones that
went oh wait a minute that doesn’t make any sense I don’t know you don’t like it
man you talked to her about that I can’t I don’t get it
and they wanted Alisha dig a little bit you know it’s not normal for a lifelong
friend to just say okay good enough yeah I just you know not even not try and
disprove it you know I was like that that’s what’s that’s what’s compelling
it’s like we usually tend to want to see the best in people especially our
friends and we want to give them the benefit of doubt and so if that’s not
happening there’s something going on all right you guys thanks a lot and I will
talk with you soon and write some comments below and give me a thumbs up
and if you haven’t yet already please subscribe thanks a lot my life you

 

6 Responses

  1. Evening TV

    September 7, 2019 2:42 am

    No audio trouble today! Can you see how triangulation happened in your case? Have you ever stood up for someone who turned on you? Lets talk about it in the comments. Please like, share, and subscribe.

    Reply
  2. Igor Demydczuk

    September 7, 2019 1:19 pm

    That is right. We are stronger actually…and perhaps we are not afraid of dealing with our fears and shadows! It makes sense in the dynamics of my family, really. They all are afraid to be casted out and be alone….

    Reply
  3. Michael Valentine Smith

    September 7, 2019 3:57 pm

    In my experience, people overcommit to "friends" who really are acquaintances of connivence that are gone when the first storm cloud appears. Apathy and shallowness certainly are a factor as well and it is only being fostered by today's social media nonsense.

    Reply
  4. Tewdy Quew

    September 7, 2019 4:49 pm

    I've gone from being a family scapegoat to being the target of a smear campaign by a bully at work. Triangulation tactics also works not only because of that which includes apathy but because very few have the bravery or courage to fight for the well-being of the victim. They will see very clearly what is going on but will make demands on the victim to do something more to bear and sustain themselves through more abuse in order to relieve themselves of their own symptoms of fear and to hide behind that which covers up the selfishness and cowardice that they are hiding within themselves. Who needs these kinds of people in your lives?

    Reply
  5. Kara Graham

    September 7, 2019 10:48 pm

    Good point about apathy and abuse. I heard recently that fawning and sitting on the couch for hours is related to that so yes couch potatoes are likely often the product of abuse.

    Reply
  6. Remain Nameless

    September 18, 2019 11:21 pm

    The people who turned on you were benefiting from your projection of goodness onto them for many years. When they turned on you, all they did was expose their own insecurity and jealousy of you that they had always held.

    Reply

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